Monday, January 10, 2011

Post #137 The Religion Post

Lets talk religion today...Yikes!...I have been thinking about this for a long time...Can you do a funny religious post????? I considered it a challenge and last night I prayed that God would help my readers accept this post and find it funny...That said...here we go...and forgive me...


Now I personally am not a very religious person... That doesn't mean I am not at all religious...it just means like most things in my life (women, the existence of yetis, why the book is always better than the movie, how to stop hair from graying,etc.) I accept I just won't ever know some things. And its in this place of ignorance I reside...fairly happily. 


Sure I have had my share of discussions through the years on the topic...and I want to believe..I really do...but before we go there I have a couple grievances I need to air...


First off.... religion ...people war over you, and blog about you (forgive me remember), knock on my door to talk about you...I mean you are better than that...I sometimes play in a band...always trying to get better...but I would never go door to door trying to recruit better guitarists...that's a mangers job...  or its something that unsavory people do.. sex offenders, people in pyramid schemes, or people that crash their Volvo wagon into your lawn do. You can do better than that...(Girl scouts selling cookies, totally OK)...


Heres what I do know...religion heralds great people...obviously (Martin Luther King, Ghandi, My Grandparents, the Knights that say Ni...but also some of the worst (Bin Laden, any number of horrible dictators, or the writers of that 4th Indiana Jones movie...I guess the real punishment for drinking from the Holy Grail is a terrible next movie)...Good and bad like most things in life. For me...way more good than bad. Some of the nicest, truest people I know are spiritual. Me...I am just a person who needs to see things to believe them...I've been tricked before (see my Tooth Fairy/Santa post)...And come to think of it, the Easter Bunny, which in the name of religion, purposely fools young children into believing something exists that doesn't...isn't that counterproductive to faith???? Love the candy though....


And don't get me started on Hell...Really??? Some burning underworld of fire, chains, and torture down below the ground...where evil people go...after someone eats your soul and you just suffer down there for eternity?? Seems like a bad script that needs Nicholas Cage to be involved with. I mean how far down is it? Come to think of it...maybe that's where the Chilean minors were...Scratch this thought...Hell is in Chili...it certainly was for me after I ate at that Chilean food from that food cart...


But I am not a total doubter. For me, one of the best arguments for God is nature, and how life survives sometimes against all odds (it's true, I watch a lot of the Discovery Channel)...I mean I see a creature like an eagle or photos of the Galapagos islands or the magic Hollywood plastic surgeons can do and I think something or someone created this...they had to. In what way? I have no idea...I think for me the afterlife could just as easily be some sort of reincarnation...I may not believe in Hell but you better believe I imagine the Bin Ladens of the world coming back as tapeworms or dung beetles after they die (or that squirrel we hit yesterday...I really hope that was you Stalin....or the inventor of telemarketing...I would have stopped and then backed over you again and again and again)...um...next...


The truth is I really hope for a Heaven...that when I die I end up in my own version (and not one of those terrorist ones where they get like 50 virgins...Who would want that?...Nightmare!...Can you only imagine the 50 different arguments about how "You don't ever really listen to my needs!!"...and forget about ever hanging with the guys...good luck getting 50 girls to sign off on a guys night out). Moving on...Just a heaven with my closest friends and family where you can play cloud golf and have the best Chinese food ever and my sports teams actually win...Sounds great to me...I can buy into that...To sum it up and before some of you stick pins in your voodoo dolls of me (I respect your religious choice Voodooers, BTW...just sayin!) If God is in the details well then the details for me look exactly like my close friends and  family... in those funny (sometimes inappropriate) dinner conversations where nobody would rather be anywhere else or when at 18 you and some of your closest friends play music together for the first time...thats it for me...( and no I am not typing this wearing tyedye!!)  ..... well....hopefully when we die, god forbid,  we will all be there waiting for each other to move on together....oh no...I think my religious beliefs are the same as the ones at the end of Lost...Man!!!...does that make me Charlie or Hurley or Ben Linus?...I guess time will tell...(I think I watch too much TV) Cue the music and...

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